I got a question the other day. The questioner wanted to remain anonymous, so he direct messaged me via Twitter. So I want to take this moment to clarify something. When you send me a question via the form on this site, if you want to be anonymous, just say so in the “Name” field. Or just leave it blank. The only required field when you send me something from that page, is the field where you type in your question. Everything else is optional. And there’s nothing to stop you putting in a false name, either. Call yourself Brunhilde for all I care!
Okay, okay, I do care. I like knowing who my readers are, and learning all about you!
Anyway, on to the question:
How do you feel about your partner’s real gender when youre cybering. Should the real gender matter? Should you trust them ? Or should you just enjoy interacting and take it for what it is?
I assume you’re asking specifically about when guys pretend to be girls. I suppose girls sometimes pretend to be guys, too, but I haven’t encountered that.
I have to say that that is something that I don’t really get. I can’t really imagine what it feels like to put “my” dick into a girl’s pussy anymore than I think any guy can really know what it’s like to have “his” pussy filled. And that’s something that I think would get in the way of a good cyber encounter. But that’s from the point of view of the pretender.
From the other side of things…. I think if you know for sure that the other person is not really a girl, that might be an issue. But if you don’t know or just have suspicions… well, let me explain what cybersex is for me.
Cybersex is fantasy, plain and simple. It’s shared fantasy, though, and therefore interactive, which is what makes it stand apart from watching porn or reading erotica. All are perfectly valid ways of getting in touch with your sexuality, but each is very different from the others.
When reading Penthouse Forum, does it bother you that most of the letters written by women are really written by men?
When watching porn, do you question whether the housewife would really drop her robe for the pizza guy?
Generally, no. You go along for the ride.
Cybersex may seem a little different in this regard because of its interactive nature. You’re actually building this fantasy together with whoever else is involved. So if maybe the girl you’re doing it with is really a guy, then… what? Again, if you know she’s a he, maybe there could be an issue, but if you don’t know…
Let me quote myself from a few lines above (if that’s not too pretentious): “You’re actually building this fantasy together with whoever else is involved.” Fantasy. Even if she is a girl, do you think she’s really 18, blonde haired, blue eyed, with perfect tits (whatever size you like), a tight pussy, and a virgin ass just for you? Do you think I really believe that all my male cyber partners have 10″ cocks?
How honestly do you portray yourself? Are you taller online than in real life? Thinner? Bigger cock? More fit? More hair?
One of the appeals of the internet is anonymity. Especially when it comes to dealing with sexual or potentially sexual interactions, people tend to portray themselves as closer to their ideal of themselves than what is true in reality. Or closer to what they think the ideal of their potential partner is. Good traits are emphasized and possibly exaggerated, while negative traits are downplayed or ignored.
You’re building a fantasy with this other person. As long as the details are believable, I say go with it! This is for your enjoyment, so let the questions wait. While there may be valid debate about whether cybersex constitutes cheating on your lover, in the context of this question, the fantasy of the encounter is what matters.