Hi everyone! I’m sorry I haven’t been keeping up with things as much as I promised. I’ll get there eventually, I promise!
One quick note before we get started. It’s not uncommon for me to get responses to what I post here on Twitter or Facebook or whatever. Please, if you have something to say about these posts, even if it boils down to simply “I agree!” or “You got it all wrong,” post your comments here, on this site, in the comment thread for the post you’re talking about. Some of you say interesting things, and it would serve you and me better to have them here.
Alright, I’ve got an old question this week, but a brief chat I had this morning has inspired me to revisit it. Someone once asked me:
We all know guys love when a woman sends him pictures of her naughty bits. Do you like it when men send you pics of theirs?
My original response went something like this:
Women, as a general rule, aren’t as visually stimulated as men. I appreciate the offer, but it doesn’t do much for me most of the time. Sometimes it does, but I think that has more to do with my mood than the pic itself. Movies are a little more reliable, but that has more to do with the action of what’s going on, not just the image of a guy and his cock. The only times I’ll see a cock and get turned on, is when it’s right in front of me! That’s the only time I see a hard cock and really just want to do something with it!
I just want to add on to that a bit. I know that guys love to look at women with little or no clothing, in sexually compromising or provocative positions. I know that guys sometimes get hard and horny if they catch a glimpse of some cleavage. There’s the assumption that girls work the same way. That maybe if a girl sees a hard cock, she’ll get a little horny and a little wet and want to play with it. That’s true to some extent.
I’ll look at a pic of a guy’s cock (or other sexy pics of men) and I might think about how good it looks or something like that. It may even lead me to thinking a bit about whether or not I’d like to fuck the guy pictured. But thinking about sex does not immediately translate into wanting to have sex. And that’s where the difference seems to be. I might look at a cock pic and think that it looks like a fun ride, but unless there’s something more coming from the guy, that’s about the extent of it. If you want to fuck me (cyber or otherwise), you better have more than a hard dick.
Take for example the following exchange I had this morning on Facebook. I’ll use the guy’s initials instead of his full name. And keep in mind that I just met this guy. He sent me a friend request, I looked over his profile and accepted, then he sent me this:
JG: Hey baby. Wanna see a 9 inch black dick? 😉
I’m already rolling my eyes here. He’s got a sexy body, and I do kinda want to see his dick. But I’m not ready to just jump into fucking this guy. Again, the difference between men and women. He’d seen my pics on FB, decided I was worthy to fuck, and so he was ready to go. So I questioned him on it:
KO: out with it just like that?
JG: Well baby, i gotta be honest. Im horny. So do you wanna see it?
I appreciate his honesty here, I really do. “I’m horny, and I wanna fuck.” I’m down with that. I understand that. But then he’s right back to wanting to show me his dick. My previous comment should have made it clear that maybe there’s a better way to grab my interest. If all I needed was a pic, I would have already said yes. So I tried to guide him back on track:
KO: horny’s all well and good, but i like a little seduction first. what happened to the art of the tease?
JG: Beautiful, i know youll love it.
And at that point he sends me two cock pics. Now, I did like them. I did think a little about what I could do with that cock. And to be honest, I was already kinda horny before this whole thing started. But he was still missing the point, and at this point, it seemed pretty deliberate. He offered to show me his dick. I told him straight up to seduce me first. Then he showed me his dick. “This bitch wants me to be charming and seduce her, maybe tease her some and get teased? I’m too horny for that! But it’s okay. Once she sees my cock, she’ll be all over me.” Was he right?
KO: it does look tasty, but that’s not really the issue
JG: Well if it looks tasty then why not put it in your mouth so you can actually get a taste 😉
Suspicions are confirmed. This guy has no game. Ignoring my attempt to lead him on the path that actually leads to my pussy, and instead trying to force the issue. How did that work out for him?
KO: why don’t you do something to make me want to?
[several minutes of silence]
KO: mm that’s what i thought
Haven’t heard from the guy since. “What? You mean your legs aren’t spread and waiting for an impressive cock to slip in and fuck your pussy? You want me to put some kind of effort into getting you in the mood? Your pussy’s not dripping at the sight of my big hard dick?”
There’s something I say in chatrooms and during messenger conversations and such, and I say it more often than I think should be necessary: “I’m easy, but I’m not *that* easy.” When it comes down to it, I am a slut. I love getting fucked. There’s nothing I really enjoy or crave more than giving and having orgasms. It doesn’t take a whole lot to get me sucking your cock or opening myself up to you. It takes even less online. But I’m not sitting here waiting for anyone to come along and fuck me.
I’m sitting here waiting for anyone to come along and make me want him to fuck me.
And, yes, that requires a little bit of effort. It involves actually talking to me, preferably flirting. Sex begins earlier than penetration, earlier even than foreplay. Enjoy the ride from beginning to end. Let me know you want me, and let me know why I should want you. It takes more than a hard cock. Every guy has one of those. I’m more interested in your mind. And by that, I mean that I have to actually like you, and I have to be curious about what you’ll do with that hard cock of yours once I unzip your pants. Encourage me to do that.
On Christmas, there are lots of presents under the tree. If you want me to play with yours, don’t unwrap it for me and hand it to me. Tease me and make me want to unwrap it and see for myself. Make me eager to open that one first.